there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize