I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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