also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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