i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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