8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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