Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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