I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize