the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
