I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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