I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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