Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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