I heard we made out
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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