Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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