i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
