U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
