Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Everyone says I win the strip club
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
