My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize