I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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