well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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