your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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