maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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