i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
its liver damage thursday
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize