OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize