I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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