her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
