sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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