If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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