I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize