Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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