I want to walk on stilts...naked
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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