1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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