All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize