What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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