getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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