Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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