The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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