he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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