omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize