you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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