I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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