Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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