I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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