Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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