Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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