I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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