No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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