Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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