Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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