If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
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Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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