i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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