This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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