Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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