Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There are leaves in my underwear?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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