My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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