My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
someone owes me an orgasm
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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