now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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